Because not everybody checks the sidebar...

This blog is over, end of story, but before you break down in tears: I have a new one! This is it! Yes: you may rejoice :)

Gadda get it

I'm a lucky dog. Khon Kaen has a mall. In the mall there's a place called Top DVD (it's on the top floor). They have cam versions of the latest Hollywood movies. And if you wait a couple of weeks you can lay your hands on a 'ma-se-tur'. Master copy that is. What's more: they sell music DVD's on the side. Rare ones. Ones with the old dude in the picture. He's only the best drummer in the known world: Steve Gadd.

Steve features (along with Dave Weckl, Steve Smith and Horacio 'El Negro' Hernandez) on the 25th anniversary DVD put out there by NYC's Drummers collective. Lot's of para diddles, blender strokes and poly-rhythms. But the real cherry on top of this pound cake is bass player Victor Wooten.

Between all the ghost notes, power solo's and parlour tricks he get's on stage alone. Just a four string bass and...a sampler gizmo. He outlines the rhythm, then plays the chords over it and then plays melody and solo's over that. Insane.

Anywho: even if you are not a drummer, check out my favorite Steve Gadd clip from yesteryear: here he is with Dave Weckl,Vinnie Colaiutta and the Buddy Rich Big Band(bonus: all with 1989 hair and suits).

Mindfulness

I have used the word a lot in my post about meditation. Mindfulness. Yeah, sounds great. But nobody knows what I mean exactly. Fair enough. It isn't that cut and clear. And that's because most of us are normally not mindful at all.

The best way I have seen it explained is by its opposite. The opposite of being mindful is being mindless. That means you are without a mind. You are not aware. You don't know what you are doing. In fact that is how a lot of people spend the day: they just go through the motions. Scatterbrained. Forgetful. Awkward. Stressed. We arrive at work and we don't know how we got here.

In the context of counting the breath I use the word to make you focus on your breath. You become mindful of your breath, your body. And that is the way your body and mind become one. That's new age talk for: they are doing the same thing for a change. That's meditation. But mindfulness doesn't stop there. You can be mindful anywhere doing anything.

Being mindful is about concentration. Your focus is on one thing. When you breathe, you know you are breathing. When you walk you know that your feet are touching the world. And if your thoughts stray, don't become annoyed: recognize it and be aware that you're distracted. (If you do become annoyed: fine. There it is. Acknowledge that too. Know it).

Difficult? No. Just try to do it. Do it now, when you're waiting for the elevator, the trafic light or the bus. Breath a couple of mindful breaths. Take a step and really know it. Look at something. A tree. Your hand. A picture. Really look. Breathe. It's fun. You'll feel great. You'll smile. Like magic. You'll not only feel alive. You'll really be alive.

Now what?! (2)

Come on down and win win winnnnnn! You know the rules: all you have to do is guess what the product in this picture is.

Of course it is something with chicken. Although... Would you eat it? It could be chicken brand rat poison. But wait! Look closely at the logo. Doesn't that look kinda familiar? Is it...is it...Yes! The answer is in the comments!

Horde

Jaaaaah daar is ie weer dan want en maar Thailand heeft er voor de eerste keer ever een referendum tegenaan gekwakt. Het officiele resultaat is nog niet binnen, maarrrrr: net iets meer dan de helft (56%) van net iets meer dan de helft van de bevolking (toch nog zo'n 35 miljoen man) schijnt voor te hebben gestemd. De andere helft had blijkbaar iets beters te doen. Maar we zijn dus voor! Dat je het weet.

Waar voor eigenlijk? Goeie vraag. Voor de nieuwe grondwet. Maar daar gaat het natuurlijk allemaal allang niet meer om. Onderzoeksbureau BVB heeft diverse steekproeven gedaan en zo ongeveer niemand heeft het ding gelezen en dus is zo ongeveer niemand bezorgd over artikelen die zo ongeveer garanderen dat het leger vet veel cash krijgt terwijl iets anders als -we noemen maar wat- onderwijs niet zo'n extra cool artikel in de grondwet heeft.

Waar het dan wel om gaat? Waar al die mensen zich hiero dan zo druk om maken? Een stem voor is een stem tegen Thaksin. En voor de coup. En vooral een stem voor dat we nou eens supersnel verkiezingen moeten gaan houden (in december). De kranten roemen alvast massaal dat er weer een horde op het pad der democratie is genomen. Driewerf hoera. Niet makkelijk, zeker als je weet dat het in Thailand buiten de stad de baas is die bepaalt wat alle werknemers gaan stemmen. Nou gaat ie niet mee het hokje in. Maar toch.

Voor de uitegebreide ditjes en datjes en het massale tegenstemmen in mijn regio (Noord Oost) moet je hiero even klikken. Dit was Brandpunt goeienavond.

Update: als je daaro op hiero klikt kom je helaas helemaal nergens, want dat was niet de officiele telling. Kan dus niemand meer kijken hoeveel mensen nou precies wat hebben gestemd. Nou niet meteen censuur roepen, dat is gewoon allemaal stom toevallig.

Ramblin'

David (my Aussie colleague) was kind enough to let me rip J.J. Cale on to my hard drive. J.J. Cale! Gold! Two CD's! Why?! Isn't that country?! No. Well: let's just say I've never come more close. I have two songs in my collection that feature a kind of (dare I say the F-word).... fiddle. One by Nora Jones and one by J.J. Cale.

Now don't be frightened: I'm not rushing out to add Earl Scruggs and Lester Flatt (you look 'em up) to my collection just yet. But J.J. was inevitable really. I've been a hardcore-ish Steely Dan fan since before they added trombones to their line-up. They fade in their slide guitar-like sounds with great stealth. But they are there nonetheless.

Then there's Eric Clapton. Used to play some hefty R&B. No stranger to country-ville either. And he made Cale's 'Cocaine' and 'After Midnight' into hits and habits. Also proving beyond reasonable doubt that at the core of Cale's tunes is a bluesy, rootsy boogie. Very contagious. Especially with J.J.'s laid back drooling vocals and immaculate but rambling guitar style.

But no apologies: I am a real country bumpkin now. Yeeeeehaw! According to the Thais I'm as hick as heck. All red earth and BBQ. I live in Khon Kaen, where the pickup trucks roam near the buffalo's home. I guess J.J. is a prefect fit.

[Before some of you music-heads start emailing me: Yes, I do realize Ramblin' On My Mind is by Robert Johnson and not by J.J. Cale and that Eric Clapton played it too. The title is not a reference to that.]

D is for discipline

I teach. Everybody knows that. But few know how. A question that pops up every now and then is: 'Are you strict?' And the answer is: 'Yes.' That's a shocker for most. Few ask: 'Why?' The answer to that is simple: 'Because I have to.' Thai kids don't learn good behavior at home. They don't know about limits, dealing with anger, defeat, in fact: you name it and they don't know about it. Since I teach grade one, I am the first to guide them. Did I mention there are 35 of them? I am their teacher, their father, their big brother and super role model in every way. Quite a task. And yes: punishment is necessary. But I like to reward. For all you fellow teachers in Asia: this is my method and it works wonders.

1) Have a column on one side of the whiteboard marked 'Good students' (make it nice and colorful, add a cartoon character). On day one, put all the student's names in it.
2) Have a column on the other side of the whiteboard marked 'Naughty students' (no: not 'bad students', they are just misguided remember? :) Of course this side of the board is drab. I use a badly drawn unhappy smiley.
3) Explain what's gonna happen at the first transgression. Praise everybody for being on the good side.
4) Do your lessons. Warn the students when they get out of line. After the third time: erase them from the good side.
5) If the same student talks/plays/hits/forgets their homework/what evers again: put his or her name on the naughty side. Be sure to show your disappointment.
6) If the same student talks/plays/hits/forgets their homework/what evers again: add the number 10 behind the name. That means: write ten lines. Increase with 10 with every transgression. I use a tracing sheet with: 'I am sorry Teacher Boris'.
7) When you hit 50 or 100 lines: put them outside/take them to the principal/contact their parents. Normally you will rarely reach this point.
8) The kids get their lines on Friday. That means they will try to keep out of trouble until Friday or get more lines for the weekend.
9) On Monday you collect the sheets (and here's the important part), erase everybody from the naughty side, and put them back on the good side. Praise them. In my class the other kids even applaud.
10) If a kid scores a very high mark whilst being on the naughty side of the whiteboard (with or with out lines) and is clearly trying hard to be good: erase their name abd put it on the good side with due praise. In my class that happens only when they score 5 stars.
11) Kids that behave well and score high marks on their assignments or homework, or do what ever well get marked with a red star. The best student of the week (1 boy and 1 girl) gets a small gift or a piece of candy. It works very well if a student draws their own star behind his or her name .
12) Keep the kids just below the top on their toes by sometimes taking away the star. Be fair.

Of course this method needs to be tweaked a little for older students where it's about being cool and the pressure comes from the group more. The idea is to correct behavior, have many opportunities to do it and make it easy to get to to the good side.

One more tip: you can play angry. I do the old fire and brimstone routine every once in a while. But never be angry. It will eat you and all your energy up and you'll end up getting eaten alive by your class. Not a pretty sight. Believe me, I've seen it.

In case your wondering: the maximum number of students I've ever had on the naughty side: seven. Usually, it's three :)

Now what?! (1)

One of the joys of being in Thailand is that creepy feeling you get in shops sometimes. You're standing in front of a wall of products, but you have no idea what products. And sometimes you really have no clue what it is there selling. Yes: even after two years here! That's why I've come up with a little game.

<----It's easy: can you guess what this is?

Don't know? Think! What product category? No it can't be frozen fish. Can it? Come on. This one is easy! What was that? Mmm: you might be right. Quickly: the answer is in the comments!

Meditation made easy (1)

If you have been reading my posts about Buddhism you know I have a hard time bowing in front of statues just for ritual's sake. But everybody who knows me knows I've been meditating for years. Nothing compared to the years spent reading and/listening to idle talk, false mysticism and new age mumbo jumbo. So I thought I'd save everybody some time. And for all of you who've wondered and emailed and stuff: you'll finally know what it is that I do to keep so ehm...relaxed, centered, fresh and in the moment :)

Just to set the record straight: meditation is not Buddhist. Not only does it predate Buddhism, it is practiced in other religions (like Catholicism) and outside of the religious context all together. But only an idiot would ignore the strong ties between meditation and Buddha. The man studied hard with the most renowned (Bhramanistic) masters of his time. One of them (Alara Kalama) could be more mindful than anyone else. But the Buddha eventually managed to surpass his teacher and attained the highest level of mindfulness known to man. Not easy. It takes any master years to keep up these high levels of concentration 24/7.

Here's the good news and the kicker though: it is actually very easy to achieve a high level of mindfulness for a moment. And it's not that difficult to string those moments together. In fact: there is no need to try hard at all. It's not a race. But let's get started quickly!

Exercise 1: counting the breath

There are a million ways to do this. This is just a way that I have found to be easy and just long enough (about 20 minutes). The object here is to try and stop/clear the mind by focusing on your breath. No more. No less.

Be careful of these things:

-Breathe naturally, don't try to breathe deeper than normal or anything. Just be aware that you are breathing in (or out). If you force anything you are doing it wrong.

-Do NOT try to suppress thoughts or be fustrated when your mind strays. Give yourself a break.

-Don't rush. Your pace should be entirely directed by the natural pace of your breath. The breath comes first, then you count it.

Ready? Here we go. Read through these points slowly first and then try to do it. Once a week is good. Once a day is better.

1) Sit somewhere were you won't be disturbed. Sit straight. This can be done on chair on a cushion, whatever as long as you keep your back straight. You can close your eyes if you want to.

2) Survey the room for a bit. Feel where your body makes contact to the floor/the chair/the cushion/the air. Take in all the sights and sounds and smells and stuff. Become aware of your breathing. You are breathing aren't you?

3) Breathe in and then breathe out. Count '50' on the 'out' breath. Count '49' on the 'in' breath and keep counting down like that.

5) Double up. When you get to '20': breathe out as before but wait with counting '19' to the next 'out' breath. You'll be doing: OUT 20- IN- OUT 19- IN- OUT 18. All the way down to 'one'.

6) Don't jump up. When you reach 'one' keep breathing consciously for as long as you like. Survey the room again, then get up slowly. Feel your feet touch the floor. You'll feel refreshed, light and clear headed. Good as new!

Note: When you lose track of the number or 'in' or 'out', don't worry. Just smile and think 'oops', breathe out and go back to 50.

My way

Got back from an English seminar all organisized (y'all know the Dan right?) by my neighbour Kaisit. An interesting gathering. All the typically Thai ingredients where there: rote learning, big ideas, huge expectations, even bigger speakers, karaoke, dancing, mangled English songs, loads of food, whiskey, a test everybody passed and (most importantly) loads of fun and laughter.

Now for the interesting part: I found myself teaching groups of principals from Educational area 5. Very eager students. very quiet compared to my normal first grade class and very aware that this was it: their chance to talk to a farang. Some of them were very shy. Especially when I put them on the spot. They didn't see that one coming, but I always do. They were supposed to speak English. Not me. In the end they did well. And they were thankful beyond belief. All in a days work.

O yeah: why this picture with this story? Well: I drove my first 30km on the highway to get to the seminar. That's why. Whoohooo!

Nightrider

One of the great things about having a bike is you can get around town after seven. Of course we have tuktuks, but they become lazier and more expensive every hour after six. And the songteaws (pick ups that ride around like buses) stop around six. But now I can ride around until the wee hours of the morning if I want to. At least I can go to the night markets or out for dinner without people giving us a ride.

The downside is that streetlights are rather dim here. And people drive around in cars and on bikes and bicycles without lights whatsoever. Then there's the usual stuff like people flinging doors open without looking, people driving on the wrong side of the road and so on. It gets interesting from time to time, but its very similar to riding a bicycle in Amsterdam. Just assume everybody driving is a drunk retard on the phone while changing a DVD that fell on the floor and you'll probably be alright.

Pokemon: Thai style

Remember my explanation about Buddhism? And my description of the Thai variety and its quirks? Silly me. All that explaining when a good everyday example is right up for grabs: the Jatukam Ramathep -craze. The what?! They're amulets. I see them everywhere. There are being traded in the markets, at our school and along side mobile phones and computer games at shopping malls all over Thailand. And everybody has them: monks, bus drivers, kids, politicians, movie stars, cleaners, housewives, even some farangs.

Now hold on: amulets have been a part of Thailand since time immemorial. But in the last couple of years it has become a fad that seems to know no bounds. Amulets used to be worn under the shirt to protect the wearer from all kinds of evil. Back then it was more or less a harmless personal superstition (if those exist). Costly. But easy. You didn't have to knock on wood ever again. Walked under a ladder? Who cares!

In recent years however it has become all about showing off. Some Buddhist leaders have tried to do something about it. But the amulets got bigger, ever more elaborate and al lot more sparkly. So did the names. You can now get yourself a Extra-Super-Rich-amulet with special ingredients from temple X. But better get an Ultra-Strong-Life-amulet that's been touched by monk Y too! Who knows what will happen if you don't. And of course you wear it over your shirt. How else is everybody gonna see it? And it all wouldn't be complete without a heavy golden casing. So what do you look like now? That's right: a rapper.

What this has to do with Pokemon? Combine the craze, the power ups, the estimated 20 billion Baht in turnover and you do the math.

Through the language barrier

Yay! We have our driver's licences! For car and motorbike! Khon Kaen be ware! Why do I need all these exclamation marks?! Anyway: now I can drive my bike legally and that means I'll be properly insured. I can also rent a car and stuff. (But I'm not gonna. Need some more practice). Although the exam went well. We paid to pass of course, but we would have passed anyway. All we had to do was put on our seat belt, turn right, stop, indicate our next right turn, drive past the parking space into a narrow street, stop, reverse without hitting anything, parallel park in the parking spot, reverse out and turn the corner, turn another right, ride up a little bridge, turn right and stop at the line. Easy.

Unfortunately that's not what happened the first time we tried it. This had a lot to do with the fact we were driving an extremely sensitive Nissan sedan as wide as a truck. And even more with the fact that we thought we understood what the instructor said, when in fact we didn't. Luckily a Thai colleague (and the owner of the extra wide Nissan) was there. She was gonna show us how it's done, got into her car and preceded to drive the Nissan ever so sensitively into a drain and got stuck.

After we got the car out, she showed us though and so we avoided all drains, curbs and traffic cones. In fact we were so good and paid so much money we didn't even have to show our motorcycle prowess anymore. Party time! Excellent (just like my helmet)!

So: where's the bike?

Yeah. There should be a picture of the bike here. Plus one of me with the obscenely big stormtrooper helmet. But it's raining cats and dogs and for all I know elephants today. A thundurous monsoon is watering some plants and blowing away some others. A picture of a guy in a helmet getting wet next to a motorcycle cover just isn't the same. So hang tight and hang loose. Pictures are coming. Hope they're not of the under water variety...

Komt ie dan heh

Tijd voor een politiek-update vanuit bananenland. (Tering: hij post in het Nederlands! Gelukkig. Hij kan het nog). Hier in Khon Kaen alles wel. In Bangkok daar en tegen... Ik zeg (niet dat ik een expert ben) dat er iets belangrijks is gebeurd gisteren. Nou moet je weten dat het hier al een maandje of wat zachies rommelt. Militair coupje, Grote Man weg, iedereen in rep en roer, nieuwe grondwet gelul, wat partijen verboden, internet pro en anti campagnes, welnietwelnietwelniet noodtoestand, welnietwelnietwel verkiezingen in december en dan nu dus maar liefts vijf(5!) soorten demonstraties in Bangkok. Het bijzondere is niet dat die er zijn, maar ook dat we daar in de media van horen. Vooral van nummertje vijf.

Nummertje 1: minst interessante, want dat is de pro militaire junta demo. Beetje zielig.
Nummertje 2: bende politiek geladen monniken (want dat kan blijkbaar) die willen dat het Boeddhisme officieel de staatsreligie wordt.
Nummertje 3: types die niet blij zijn met welke groep dan ook, behalve dan dat ze vol achter de koning staan.
Nummertje 4: Aanhangers van de voormalige Grote Man en zakkenvuller, die vinden dat ie terug moet komen (om onduidelijke redenen).
Nummertje 5: (en nou wordt het interresant) de vrienden van het Verbond Voor Thaise Democratie.

Hoe Nummertje vijf er nou precies insteekt is mij onduidelijk, maar die hebben tegen de militairen geroepen dat ze binnen drie dagen in overleg willen zijn met de leiding omdat ze anders demonstraties gaan doen die een stuk minder gezellig en nog massaler gaan zijn. Natuurlijk wordt de noodtoestand weer overwogen en is elke derde persoon die je in Bangkok tegenkomt stiekem 'n soldaat. Ik zeg dus: excalatietje. En nou niet dom zitten lachen als ik het mis heb. Ik lach dan namelijk uit pure opluchting heel hard mee... Die 4 anti-groepen bijelkaar zijn een hele hoop Thai.

Update: Blijkbaar wordt de tom yam toch weer eens niet zo heet gegeten als ie wordt opgediend. (HUH?! Tom yam NIET heet?!) Maar het kan natuurlijk ook zijn dat de voltallige oppositie toevallig net allemaal een duikongeluk gehad heeft.

Stop

We have put a down payment on our motorcycle yesterday. Not because we don't have the money. Then why not take it home? Well,we needed more official pieces of paper of course. Although our work permits and passports clearly state who we are, where we live, where we work and what exactly that work is, we need an extra letter from the Immigration office certifying that they feel pretty certain we actually live and work where stated and that we've been a good boys and girls and sleep with our hands above the covers. This is Thailand.

Also Thailand: someone at the school knows someone who's someone at the Department of Motor Vehicles. That means we can apparently go over there with this person and meet this someone who will then issue both a motorcycle driving licence and a car driving licence. Provided that we pay 1000 baht a pop. And provided that we show up with the appropriate papers. Man, does that work permit see a lot of action! Mind you, we need the come out in full force with the 1 inch pictures and a health cert as well. I'll believe it when I'm holding the licences and I am not followed by cars with sirens and flashing lights or something:)

Dharma if you do/dharma if you don't (2)

*Long post alert* Should have kept my big mouth shut. Brought it on myself. Here we go...'What is Buddhism?' Holy cow... I can't answer that. But I can tell you what's at the core and point out some common misunderstandings.

1) There is suffering, but luckily if we recognise that, there is a way (The Way) to end it and to experience a state of endless well being and happiness.

2)The Way is called the eightfold path, consisting of Right View, Right Thought, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Diligence, Right Mindfulness, Right Concentration. One brings forth (and is interconnected with) the others.

3) Everything is impermanent: everything changes, even from one moment to the next.

4) There is no self: the division between you and me, or you and tree is an illusion. You inter-are with everything. You (like everything) consist of non-you elements.

5)There is a ground of being, a substance of all that is: Nirvana (not the band). It is the extinction of all notions. Birth, death, being, non being, chair, hate, frying pan...all these concepts, all those words do not represent reality in its ultimate essence. But we can touch that essence if we are mindful.

Of course there is more to it, but on the other hand this is it. No more. End of story. Short and sweet. Badibadabe-that's all folks.

But for all the simplicity these core teachings are often misunderstood. Because of the emphasis on 'suffering' the teachings are sometimes seen as pessimistic.

Others emphasise the 'emptiness' often mentioned in Buddhist texts and spend hours and hours trying to be empty. But empty just means empty of a separate self and has nothing to do with nihilism, thinking of 'nothing' and white furniture.

Then there's the most important rule of Buddhism. It can be found in the Snake Sutra and it's often forgotten or left out. It tells the world not to get caught in any teaching, even Buddhism itself. So:

6) Any teaching/concept is like a poisonous snake: if you handle it you've got to be very careful not to get bitten.

OMG

Thanx Basso and Robster for verifying that my blog is still out there. I just visited it by proxy. No problems. But it also means I and everybody else in Thailand probably still don't see the blog. Weird. Could I actually be censored? C'mon now. That was a joke you guys. Cut it out already! Flip the switch, value=true, give me a break...

The Invisible Blog-trick

Alakazaam! And then my blog was gone. No smoke and mirrors. On the other hand: I have asked some of the Duchies and they could actually see the new layout. So there is something fishy going on. I'm trying to find out what exactly right now. Is it a freak code error? Cyberterrorists? Thai Censors? Or just one of those forgot-to-plug-it-in-things?

Time for an episode of Spot The Blog. See this blog? Post a comment already!

Stay tuned!

Dharma if you do/dharma if you don't (1)

'So what is it like, living in a Buddhist country?' I somehow got (and still get) that question a lot. At first I could not really answer that. Yesyesyes, Buddhism seems to be present in everything here. Sometimes it's beneath the surface somewhere. Sometimes it's right there in your face. But after a year in Isaan my answer would have to be 'Sometimes I'm not so sure I'm in a Buddhist country at all.'

Here's why. First of all: what is a Buddhist country anyway? It's got a whole bunch of branches just like any major religion. Second of all, in Thailand and in Isaan especially, Buddhism is heavily influenced by various superstitions, ancestor worship, voodoo-like rituals, Brahmanism and so on. Some of it quite compatible, some of it not so much so at first glance. One day I might list those here. Not today though.

What gets me about Thailand has more to do with the branch-thing. You had the Buddha and then the monks spread the word to the south, everything ended up in Sri lanka and moved into Thailand by way of...well anyway, in the end you get Thai Theravada Buddhism. And a lot of people struggle with what that means nowadays. According to some senior monks it is has become more of a belief system than a way of life. More of a religion than a practise. And who can blame some Thai for being a bit confused if you also put all the Chinese, Indian and hilltribe (and Western!) influences in the mix? Not me.

Time flies

Right off the bat: I'm not going to make up for lost time. I mean, I'd have to talk about our three week long come back tour (see picture) of Holland (lots of friends, haring, family and card board boxes), our collegue Tony who contracted this horrible infection, but is now more or less okay and has no more skin on his left leg because it is now all on his arm, and then there's the big news in Thailand about the Thai rak Thai party, the new kids in both our classrooms and the fact that we went out and ordered a motorcycle (with link to the Vietnamese website, because they have English).


Instead I'll just wish you a happy Visakabucha day (no work today, because we have to commemorates the birth, the enlightment and the death of Buddha ) which ties in nicely with all the questions I've been getting through email/msn about Buddhism. They range from 'Have you become a Buddhist now?' (no) to 'What is this Buddhism all about?' (now there's a question). I'll do my best to answer all these questions here, although I'm not sure I'm the best qualified person to do so. I've been meditating for years, but I've never called myself a Buddhist. I have studied Buddhism extensivley and still do as a part of living in this Buddhist country. And being in the Isaan region does give me an interesting perspective. Let's just start out by saying that Buddhism in Thailand is very diverse and, well frankly, a little strange from time to time. And I'd be lying if I said I'd figured it out already. But I'll try.

If you're not interested in Buddhism whatsoever (fair enough): just skip and ignore the 'Dharma if you do/Dharma if you don't'- header from now on :)

Viva la Visa!

Not only have we signed up for a new year at our school, we also got an early start at getting all the paperwork done. For everybody outside of Thailand: getting a new visa is not a going-to- the-right-window-and-taking-a-number-kind of affair. It requires skill and especially determination. Just so you won't think I'm biased. Here is a completely factual and full length play by play.

December
We start asking the school to make sure that this year all the paperwork is set in motion before the end of March. Several of us are going on trips abroad and if you leave the country without a new Non Immigrant B visa, you'll have to start the whole thing from scratch: tourist visa, leaving the country, applying for a Non-B and so on.

January
We check what we need to bring as well as we can. Information online and in real life is often vague or contradictory. Especially because we do not only need a new Non-B visa. We need a work permit extension and a re-entry permit (because we're going out of the country).

February
Nothing much happens. Except of course for teaching assistants preparing documents we sign.

March, week one
We start pushing for an as near as possible date to go to the immigration office and the labour department. We find out that the school has already booked the school van for the visa run for the last week of March (!). If even the slightest thing goes wrong, there will be no time to correct it.

March, week two
Not only have our prayers been heard, when we push for this Friday, the school says 'OK' (Yaaaaaaay). But then says: 'wait a minute' and makes it Monday (Awwwwwwww).

March, week three, Monday
We show our work permit at the office, evidently this year we do not have to have the visa first. Good. Not so good: There is no one available to sign for the use of the school van trip to Udonthani (1 hour), where there is an immigration office. Trip postponed to Tuesday. Tess reminds us all to bring pictures and no matter who we ask, no body is sure about the size.

March, week three, Tuesday
We all jump aboard the school van at seven AM. Because it is Tuesday, we have to go to the main office in Nong Kai (a three hour trip). Half way trough we are asked if be brought everything on a list. Miraculously Everybody has everything. Pictures in all sizes, passports, work permits and a unbelievable stack of forms per person (each page copied three times).

We arrive before the crowd even though we had to stop in the city to shop for a present to give to the immigration officer. He has a reputation of disliking farang (which is fair enough because he mostly sees the wrong kind). So a big box with the huge ribbon is bought to smooth things over. Legend has it that there is a big bottle of Thai whiskey in the box, but our questions about its content are met with silence and smiles by the Thai teachers.

We start filling in the forms give our passports and for a moment it looks bad. The officer is tearing pages out of stacks and saying that there is stuff missing. But suddenly (after muffled discussions with the head of our delegation) I have to hand in my forms. I'm not even done with the second one. But ten minutes later I'm holding my passport with all the right stamps.

Then it's time to pay up. Of course we asked if we should bring money. The answer was 'no'. But apparently the treasury department of the school refused to fork over the dough. We painstakingly gather just enough money by borrowing the odd thousand Bath from the Thai teachers. Then it turns out that we have to pay more for our re-entry permit. Twice the price stated on the form. When we point that out the officer simply says: 'That is the old form.'

After some shopping and making sure that the school is going to pay us the money back, we arrive back in Khon Kaen.

March, week three, Wednesday...
Hand in our work permit to get the stamps and signatures.

March, week four, ...Sunday
Write this all down on the blog. Still hoping my work permit will be back before I leave for Bangkok. I have to say that it's looking pretty good. Mind you: this is actually the smooth way of getting your paperwork done. If you do it without the help of a government school and let's say you don't speak any Thai at all... Good luck!

Exams, strike and some driving

I am not sure why, but Thai kids in primary one get exams (and tons of homework ). Being the one giving most of the exams (and yes, the homework), I now say that that's a good thing. It gets the students used to performing under a certain degree of stress. It gets them to review the material, it gets them to focus and: it gets them to cheat. That also is a good thing. Studies have long shown that kids learn faster when they cheat. Something about quickly storing the essential info and stuff. Of course I tell them they can't cheat. And that they lose points when I catch them. Some in fact do. Which is totally different from the Thai exams, because those are done in a cooperative manner. Answers are readily provided by the teacher if kids don't know. Not on my watch though. No stress means, no real cheating, and therefore no learning. Can you spot the cheaters in this picture? Not easy, is it?


By now all the exams are done, everybody passed (because in Thailand nobody can actually fail and the exams were pretty easy) and we're leisurely planning the new year. Gives you time to snap some quaint pictures. Like this one. Saw it laying there a million times, but never had a camera with me. It submit to the world a little piece of art I would like to entitle: Steeeeeeerike! It's a work of art that evokes memories of years gone by perhaps, or the essence of humanity cut down by the big black ball of Fate, an inner child in a world all grown up or ehm... Well, you figure it out!



Speaking of the big black ball of Fate: here's a shot of Tessel driving a car for the very first time. Don't worry, this is not the open road but the grounds of our neighbour's school (and more importantly, it's also his car). You gotta do something on Sunday. Why not try some driving on the left? It sure beats bowling!

Happy Valentine's day!

No posts for more than a month, I know I know. Busy with stuff and things. One of them is going to what's left of home, to clear it all out. Then there's teaching, end of term exams, getting used to the heat again because the summer's really started and...Valentines day. In Thailand (apart from the usual roses and bears and hearts and cards) you get stickered if someone likes you (or if they want you to look silly I'm not sure). This is a picture of those stickers (and my chins and beard and lower lip as it happens). Quite a sight. Quite quaint. Quite a lot of fun. They should just go ahead and do that everywhere!

Owjah

Natuurlijk, helemaal de bommen in Bangkok vergeten. *switcht heel slinks van taal* Voorlopig zijn er dus de volgende theorieen:

1) De moslims rukken op vanuit het zuiden.
2) F-side supporters van de afgezette PM en de PM zelf willen rellen en de macht terug ook enzo.
3) Iedereen die hoog en droog zat onder de ouwe PM en nu laag zit met vochtige oogjes willen weer terug naar dat hoge en droge. Moeten ze wel even van deze regering af.
4) De junta zelf zit erachter om vervolgens uitstel en afstel van de democratische verkiezingen te verkrijgen.
5) Er is een machtsstrijd binnen de legertop en of de oude of de nieuwe junta bereiden een extra staatsgreepje voor. Is wel even de nodige instabiliteit voor nodig.
6) Meerdere van deze theorieen zijn tegelijk waar.
7) Er is een onbekende groep actief.
8) Toch weer die rot aliens! Boos omdat ze met al die rijst hier geen graancirkels kunnen maken.

Voorlopig houdt ik het even op nummertje 3. Maar 5 is ook niet mis. Feit is dat dit nog niet klaar is. Als ik meer weet....

2006: the round up

Now that they seem to have fixed all the cables, I can fill you in on everything that happened during the ho ho holidays. My appearance as Santa should at least be nominated for an Oscar. And the principal's interpretation of the Sundance Kid was no mean feat either. The crowd went wild. But that was probably due to the massive amounts of sugar eaten. And it wasn't over.

Christmas is of course followed by New Year and in Thailand that means: presents. Everybody buys something, all the presents are numbered and all the numbers go into a big hat. Guess who got to call the numbers? Guess who was a little scared of being eaten alive by a group of seven year olds if he didn't read the numbers fast enough? That's right. You guessed it. But luckily no teachers were hurt during the making of this production.

And luckily we had a party to look forward to. A teachers only party at a nightclub. I was expecting copious amounts of alcohol. I was expecting very spicy food. But nothing could have prepared me for Thai teachers dressing up as Snowhite, Rudolph The Rednosed reindeer and every other costume imaginable. Then there was the Isaan band with the charismatic male singer/jokester and the six scantly clad female singers. Quite a show. And if you can't beat them...

So we got on stage after getting Tessels saxophone. I climbed behind the drums and thinking that the band would surely know the H.M. Blues (a cool and famous jazzy tune composed by the King) I counted to four and played away, because that's jazz. The band was right there on the 'one' but then no one played the melody. No problem: so we're playing free jazz all of a sudden. Fine by me. Forget the theme. Straight into the solo's, Tess is there, but wait a minute: why are you guys not going to F? Blues has three chords guys. Three. Hello? Okay: so we're doing a long vamp in C now. Can't say that that has never happened before. Tess's going for it. The audience likes it. But the band is in a state of sheer panic. They bail when invited to solo. And when Tess's finally done exploring even the remotest corners of the chord of C and we go into a nice bombastic ending I can almost smell their relief.