So: where's the bike?

Yeah. There should be a picture of the bike here. Plus one of me with the obscenely big stormtrooper helmet. But it's raining cats and dogs and for all I know elephants today. A thundurous monsoon is watering some plants and blowing away some others. A picture of a guy in a helmet getting wet next to a motorcycle cover just isn't the same. So hang tight and hang loose. Pictures are coming. Hope they're not of the under water variety...

Komt ie dan heh

Tijd voor een politiek-update vanuit bananenland. (Tering: hij post in het Nederlands! Gelukkig. Hij kan het nog). Hier in Khon Kaen alles wel. In Bangkok daar en tegen... Ik zeg (niet dat ik een expert ben) dat er iets belangrijks is gebeurd gisteren. Nou moet je weten dat het hier al een maandje of wat zachies rommelt. Militair coupje, Grote Man weg, iedereen in rep en roer, nieuwe grondwet gelul, wat partijen verboden, internet pro en anti campagnes, welnietwelnietwelniet noodtoestand, welnietwelnietwel verkiezingen in december en dan nu dus maar liefts vijf(5!) soorten demonstraties in Bangkok. Het bijzondere is niet dat die er zijn, maar ook dat we daar in de media van horen. Vooral van nummertje vijf.

Nummertje 1: minst interessante, want dat is de pro militaire junta demo. Beetje zielig.
Nummertje 2: bende politiek geladen monniken (want dat kan blijkbaar) die willen dat het Boeddhisme officieel de staatsreligie wordt.
Nummertje 3: types die niet blij zijn met welke groep dan ook, behalve dan dat ze vol achter de koning staan.
Nummertje 4: Aanhangers van de voormalige Grote Man en zakkenvuller, die vinden dat ie terug moet komen (om onduidelijke redenen).
Nummertje 5: (en nou wordt het interresant) de vrienden van het Verbond Voor Thaise Democratie.

Hoe Nummertje vijf er nou precies insteekt is mij onduidelijk, maar die hebben tegen de militairen geroepen dat ze binnen drie dagen in overleg willen zijn met de leiding omdat ze anders demonstraties gaan doen die een stuk minder gezellig en nog massaler gaan zijn. Natuurlijk wordt de noodtoestand weer overwogen en is elke derde persoon die je in Bangkok tegenkomt stiekem 'n soldaat. Ik zeg dus: excalatietje. En nou niet dom zitten lachen als ik het mis heb. Ik lach dan namelijk uit pure opluchting heel hard mee... Die 4 anti-groepen bijelkaar zijn een hele hoop Thai.

Update: Blijkbaar wordt de tom yam toch weer eens niet zo heet gegeten als ie wordt opgediend. (HUH?! Tom yam NIET heet?!) Maar het kan natuurlijk ook zijn dat de voltallige oppositie toevallig net allemaal een duikongeluk gehad heeft.

Stop

We have put a down payment on our motorcycle yesterday. Not because we don't have the money. Then why not take it home? Well,we needed more official pieces of paper of course. Although our work permits and passports clearly state who we are, where we live, where we work and what exactly that work is, we need an extra letter from the Immigration office certifying that they feel pretty certain we actually live and work where stated and that we've been a good boys and girls and sleep with our hands above the covers. This is Thailand.

Also Thailand: someone at the school knows someone who's someone at the Department of Motor Vehicles. That means we can apparently go over there with this person and meet this someone who will then issue both a motorcycle driving licence and a car driving licence. Provided that we pay 1000 baht a pop. And provided that we show up with the appropriate papers. Man, does that work permit see a lot of action! Mind you, we need the come out in full force with the 1 inch pictures and a health cert as well. I'll believe it when I'm holding the licences and I am not followed by cars with sirens and flashing lights or something:)

Dharma if you do/dharma if you don't (2)

*Long post alert* Should have kept my big mouth shut. Brought it on myself. Here we go...'What is Buddhism?' Holy cow... I can't answer that. But I can tell you what's at the core and point out some common misunderstandings.

1) There is suffering, but luckily if we recognise that, there is a way (The Way) to end it and to experience a state of endless well being and happiness.

2)The Way is called the eightfold path, consisting of Right View, Right Thought, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Diligence, Right Mindfulness, Right Concentration. One brings forth (and is interconnected with) the others.

3) Everything is impermanent: everything changes, even from one moment to the next.

4) There is no self: the division between you and me, or you and tree is an illusion. You inter-are with everything. You (like everything) consist of non-you elements.

5)There is a ground of being, a substance of all that is: Nirvana (not the band). It is the extinction of all notions. Birth, death, being, non being, chair, hate, frying pan...all these concepts, all those words do not represent reality in its ultimate essence. But we can touch that essence if we are mindful.

Of course there is more to it, but on the other hand this is it. No more. End of story. Short and sweet. Badibadabe-that's all folks.

But for all the simplicity these core teachings are often misunderstood. Because of the emphasis on 'suffering' the teachings are sometimes seen as pessimistic.

Others emphasise the 'emptiness' often mentioned in Buddhist texts and spend hours and hours trying to be empty. But empty just means empty of a separate self and has nothing to do with nihilism, thinking of 'nothing' and white furniture.

Then there's the most important rule of Buddhism. It can be found in the Snake Sutra and it's often forgotten or left out. It tells the world not to get caught in any teaching, even Buddhism itself. So:

6) Any teaching/concept is like a poisonous snake: if you handle it you've got to be very careful not to get bitten.

OMG

Thanx Basso and Robster for verifying that my blog is still out there. I just visited it by proxy. No problems. But it also means I and everybody else in Thailand probably still don't see the blog. Weird. Could I actually be censored? C'mon now. That was a joke you guys. Cut it out already! Flip the switch, value=true, give me a break...

The Invisible Blog-trick

Alakazaam! And then my blog was gone. No smoke and mirrors. On the other hand: I have asked some of the Duchies and they could actually see the new layout. So there is something fishy going on. I'm trying to find out what exactly right now. Is it a freak code error? Cyberterrorists? Thai Censors? Or just one of those forgot-to-plug-it-in-things?

Time for an episode of Spot The Blog. See this blog? Post a comment already!

Stay tuned!

Dharma if you do/dharma if you don't (1)

'So what is it like, living in a Buddhist country?' I somehow got (and still get) that question a lot. At first I could not really answer that. Yesyesyes, Buddhism seems to be present in everything here. Sometimes it's beneath the surface somewhere. Sometimes it's right there in your face. But after a year in Isaan my answer would have to be 'Sometimes I'm not so sure I'm in a Buddhist country at all.'

Here's why. First of all: what is a Buddhist country anyway? It's got a whole bunch of branches just like any major religion. Second of all, in Thailand and in Isaan especially, Buddhism is heavily influenced by various superstitions, ancestor worship, voodoo-like rituals, Brahmanism and so on. Some of it quite compatible, some of it not so much so at first glance. One day I might list those here. Not today though.

What gets me about Thailand has more to do with the branch-thing. You had the Buddha and then the monks spread the word to the south, everything ended up in Sri lanka and moved into Thailand by way of...well anyway, in the end you get Thai Theravada Buddhism. And a lot of people struggle with what that means nowadays. According to some senior monks it is has become more of a belief system than a way of life. More of a religion than a practise. And who can blame some Thai for being a bit confused if you also put all the Chinese, Indian and hilltribe (and Western!) influences in the mix? Not me.

Time flies

Right off the bat: I'm not going to make up for lost time. I mean, I'd have to talk about our three week long come back tour (see picture) of Holland (lots of friends, haring, family and card board boxes), our collegue Tony who contracted this horrible infection, but is now more or less okay and has no more skin on his left leg because it is now all on his arm, and then there's the big news in Thailand about the Thai rak Thai party, the new kids in both our classrooms and the fact that we went out and ordered a motorcycle (with link to the Vietnamese website, because they have English).


Instead I'll just wish you a happy Visakabucha day (no work today, because we have to commemorates the birth, the enlightment and the death of Buddha ) which ties in nicely with all the questions I've been getting through email/msn about Buddhism. They range from 'Have you become a Buddhist now?' (no) to 'What is this Buddhism all about?' (now there's a question). I'll do my best to answer all these questions here, although I'm not sure I'm the best qualified person to do so. I've been meditating for years, but I've never called myself a Buddhist. I have studied Buddhism extensivley and still do as a part of living in this Buddhist country. And being in the Isaan region does give me an interesting perspective. Let's just start out by saying that Buddhism in Thailand is very diverse and, well frankly, a little strange from time to time. And I'd be lying if I said I'd figured it out already. But I'll try.

If you're not interested in Buddhism whatsoever (fair enough): just skip and ignore the 'Dharma if you do/Dharma if you don't'- header from now on :)

Viva la Visa!

Not only have we signed up for a new year at our school, we also got an early start at getting all the paperwork done. For everybody outside of Thailand: getting a new visa is not a going-to- the-right-window-and-taking-a-number-kind of affair. It requires skill and especially determination. Just so you won't think I'm biased. Here is a completely factual and full length play by play.

December
We start asking the school to make sure that this year all the paperwork is set in motion before the end of March. Several of us are going on trips abroad and if you leave the country without a new Non Immigrant B visa, you'll have to start the whole thing from scratch: tourist visa, leaving the country, applying for a Non-B and so on.

January
We check what we need to bring as well as we can. Information online and in real life is often vague or contradictory. Especially because we do not only need a new Non-B visa. We need a work permit extension and a re-entry permit (because we're going out of the country).

February
Nothing much happens. Except of course for teaching assistants preparing documents we sign.

March, week one
We start pushing for an as near as possible date to go to the immigration office and the labour department. We find out that the school has already booked the school van for the visa run for the last week of March (!). If even the slightest thing goes wrong, there will be no time to correct it.

March, week two
Not only have our prayers been heard, when we push for this Friday, the school says 'OK' (Yaaaaaaay). But then says: 'wait a minute' and makes it Monday (Awwwwwwww).

March, week three, Monday
We show our work permit at the office, evidently this year we do not have to have the visa first. Good. Not so good: There is no one available to sign for the use of the school van trip to Udonthani (1 hour), where there is an immigration office. Trip postponed to Tuesday. Tess reminds us all to bring pictures and no matter who we ask, no body is sure about the size.

March, week three, Tuesday
We all jump aboard the school van at seven AM. Because it is Tuesday, we have to go to the main office in Nong Kai (a three hour trip). Half way trough we are asked if be brought everything on a list. Miraculously Everybody has everything. Pictures in all sizes, passports, work permits and a unbelievable stack of forms per person (each page copied three times).

We arrive before the crowd even though we had to stop in the city to shop for a present to give to the immigration officer. He has a reputation of disliking farang (which is fair enough because he mostly sees the wrong kind). So a big box with the huge ribbon is bought to smooth things over. Legend has it that there is a big bottle of Thai whiskey in the box, but our questions about its content are met with silence and smiles by the Thai teachers.

We start filling in the forms give our passports and for a moment it looks bad. The officer is tearing pages out of stacks and saying that there is stuff missing. But suddenly (after muffled discussions with the head of our delegation) I have to hand in my forms. I'm not even done with the second one. But ten minutes later I'm holding my passport with all the right stamps.

Then it's time to pay up. Of course we asked if we should bring money. The answer was 'no'. But apparently the treasury department of the school refused to fork over the dough. We painstakingly gather just enough money by borrowing the odd thousand Bath from the Thai teachers. Then it turns out that we have to pay more for our re-entry permit. Twice the price stated on the form. When we point that out the officer simply says: 'That is the old form.'

After some shopping and making sure that the school is going to pay us the money back, we arrive back in Khon Kaen.

March, week three, Wednesday...
Hand in our work permit to get the stamps and signatures.

March, week four, ...Sunday
Write this all down on the blog. Still hoping my work permit will be back before I leave for Bangkok. I have to say that it's looking pretty good. Mind you: this is actually the smooth way of getting your paperwork done. If you do it without the help of a government school and let's say you don't speak any Thai at all... Good luck!

Exams, strike and some driving

I am not sure why, but Thai kids in primary one get exams (and tons of homework ). Being the one giving most of the exams (and yes, the homework), I now say that that's a good thing. It gets the students used to performing under a certain degree of stress. It gets them to review the material, it gets them to focus and: it gets them to cheat. That also is a good thing. Studies have long shown that kids learn faster when they cheat. Something about quickly storing the essential info and stuff. Of course I tell them they can't cheat. And that they lose points when I catch them. Some in fact do. Which is totally different from the Thai exams, because those are done in a cooperative manner. Answers are readily provided by the teacher if kids don't know. Not on my watch though. No stress means, no real cheating, and therefore no learning. Can you spot the cheaters in this picture? Not easy, is it?


By now all the exams are done, everybody passed (because in Thailand nobody can actually fail and the exams were pretty easy) and we're leisurely planning the new year. Gives you time to snap some quaint pictures. Like this one. Saw it laying there a million times, but never had a camera with me. It submit to the world a little piece of art I would like to entitle: Steeeeeeerike! It's a work of art that evokes memories of years gone by perhaps, or the essence of humanity cut down by the big black ball of Fate, an inner child in a world all grown up or ehm... Well, you figure it out!



Speaking of the big black ball of Fate: here's a shot of Tessel driving a car for the very first time. Don't worry, this is not the open road but the grounds of our neighbour's school (and more importantly, it's also his car). You gotta do something on Sunday. Why not try some driving on the left? It sure beats bowling!

Happy Valentine's day!

No posts for more than a month, I know I know. Busy with stuff and things. One of them is going to what's left of home, to clear it all out. Then there's teaching, end of term exams, getting used to the heat again because the summer's really started and...Valentines day. In Thailand (apart from the usual roses and bears and hearts and cards) you get stickered if someone likes you (or if they want you to look silly I'm not sure). This is a picture of those stickers (and my chins and beard and lower lip as it happens). Quite a sight. Quite quaint. Quite a lot of fun. They should just go ahead and do that everywhere!

Owjah

Natuurlijk, helemaal de bommen in Bangkok vergeten. *switcht heel slinks van taal* Voorlopig zijn er dus de volgende theorieen:

1) De moslims rukken op vanuit het zuiden.
2) F-side supporters van de afgezette PM en de PM zelf willen rellen en de macht terug ook enzo.
3) Iedereen die hoog en droog zat onder de ouwe PM en nu laag zit met vochtige oogjes willen weer terug naar dat hoge en droge. Moeten ze wel even van deze regering af.
4) De junta zelf zit erachter om vervolgens uitstel en afstel van de democratische verkiezingen te verkrijgen.
5) Er is een machtsstrijd binnen de legertop en of de oude of de nieuwe junta bereiden een extra staatsgreepje voor. Is wel even de nodige instabiliteit voor nodig.
6) Meerdere van deze theorieen zijn tegelijk waar.
7) Er is een onbekende groep actief.
8) Toch weer die rot aliens! Boos omdat ze met al die rijst hier geen graancirkels kunnen maken.

Voorlopig houdt ik het even op nummertje 3. Maar 5 is ook niet mis. Feit is dat dit nog niet klaar is. Als ik meer weet....

2006: the round up

Now that they seem to have fixed all the cables, I can fill you in on everything that happened during the ho ho holidays. My appearance as Santa should at least be nominated for an Oscar. And the principal's interpretation of the Sundance Kid was no mean feat either. The crowd went wild. But that was probably due to the massive amounts of sugar eaten. And it wasn't over.

Christmas is of course followed by New Year and in Thailand that means: presents. Everybody buys something, all the presents are numbered and all the numbers go into a big hat. Guess who got to call the numbers? Guess who was a little scared of being eaten alive by a group of seven year olds if he didn't read the numbers fast enough? That's right. You guessed it. But luckily no teachers were hurt during the making of this production.

And luckily we had a party to look forward to. A teachers only party at a nightclub. I was expecting copious amounts of alcohol. I was expecting very spicy food. But nothing could have prepared me for Thai teachers dressing up as Snowhite, Rudolph The Rednosed reindeer and every other costume imaginable. Then there was the Isaan band with the charismatic male singer/jokester and the six scantly clad female singers. Quite a show. And if you can't beat them...

So we got on stage after getting Tessels saxophone. I climbed behind the drums and thinking that the band would surely know the H.M. Blues (a cool and famous jazzy tune composed by the King) I counted to four and played away, because that's jazz. The band was right there on the 'one' but then no one played the melody. No problem: so we're playing free jazz all of a sudden. Fine by me. Forget the theme. Straight into the solo's, Tess is there, but wait a minute: why are you guys not going to F? Blues has three chords guys. Three. Hello? Okay: so we're doing a long vamp in C now. Can't say that that has never happened before. Tess's going for it. The audience likes it. But the band is in a state of sheer panic. They bail when invited to solo. And when Tess's finally done exploring even the remotest corners of the chord of C and we go into a nice bombastic ending I can almost smell their relief.

Happy 2007!

And because you never know when a quake wipes out your internet access apparently: happy year of the Pig too! (If you can read this: that means it worked. Yay! If not: well in that case you're probably angry that you didn't hear from me in a while. But I can't help the fact they put highly important cables like, oh let see... communication cables for the whole of Asia near vault lines and stuff. I mean: yes, maybe there was something I could have done. And I don't know why I can't dive and why I don't have my under water welding license yet. Cut me some slack will you? Thanks. Talk to you later).

Het was leuk

Na een jaar lang gratis naar Nederland bellen via Voipbuster zijn ze daar blijkbaar realisten geworden. Heeft nog best lang geduurd. Nu moet je dus vrij snel je krediet aanvullen en dan kan je gratis minuten sparen. Lijkt een beetje op einde verhaal dus. Jammer want niet iedereen die ik ken weet hoe een computer werkt. Sterker nog... (Vul hier uw cheapshot in). Kan iemand even de groeten aan mijn oma en opa doen?

Veni vidi... Fuji

Ko Chang was great (although Lonely Beach in the high season was not that lonely at all) and Bangkok was, well, like the heading suggests: we came, we saw and we ate at Fuji's. Yes, they upped the price a little and yes, the free green tea refills are gone and yes, the avocado train is off the menu, but it's still a darn good deal for a darn good meal(you can have a stunning lunchset for about 200 Baht, that is 4 euros believe it or not). Great food. As you can see in the picture we ordered the bigoya tubboroshi of sushi, the hugeiri stackomeno of raw beefon and the giantkiri moutainaka of salmonushu. According to rough calculations we could eat there until we popishi every day of the year, it would just cost us one of our two paycheckayana....

Check this: Loei

Because we have other places to go, things to do and busses to catch I'm going to make a long story very short: Northern Thailand, 1500 meter high mountains, national parks with no frills and no tourists, 12 degrees celcius at night, sweaters, strange vegetation, beautiful sunset, fairytale sunrise, stared over the Mekong to Laos to top it all off.

English Camp?

Just came back from doing an English Camp. You know, one of those camps that should give students an fun English environment to practice their skills. That's the theory. In practice it means you cram two VIP-busses full of students, watch cartoons in Thai for some reason and sing Thai karaoke along the way, drive to a nice location near a huge National Park and then don't go anywhere near that National Park. Instead you stay in a nice holiday resort with trimmed hedges and activities center around a place called 'The Cowboy Room'.

This is also where you meet The Dream Team: a group of farang teachers with special expertise in setting up these kinds of camps. Again, this is theory. In practice it sometimes turns out that you're suddenly dealing with Joe, Schmo and D'oh. In this case fresh of the bananaboat and without a clue about doing this sort of thing. Al they have is a prayer (If I open my eyes this will all have been a dream) and a song (If You're Happy and You Know it) and a frightful please-somebody-help-me-face.

To make things even more interesting Joe, Schmo and D'oh are supervised by two guys that do most of the talking. One is from Iran and the other says he's English but he's not. Which is why he makes all those typical Asian mistakes when he speaks and why everybody is told to "clap your han tree time" every five minutes. Bad? Yes. But to avoid any loss of face nobody says a thing. Everybody just chalks it up to a good learning experience, laughs amongst themselves and agrees that these guys will never work in this town again.

Day two: to the zoo. This sounds good. We get to see some animals and talk about them with the students. Theory. Practice: we get the Thai style zoo experience. That means you race around the whole zoo in carts (and in15 minutes tops), while you're hanging on for dear life. The English, then, is limited to 'Look over there a...wait...too late', 'What was that?' and 'I don't know'. Then it becomes clear what the hurry was all about: a terrifically unbuddhist snake show and an eighties style seal show with beach balls, hoops, applauding seals and everything.

Bad? Probably. But you just can't beat applauding and high five-ing seals. Besides, our job was extremely easy this time round. And the whole thing was so out of this world that we couldn't stop laughing. Too bad I forgot my camera. Then again: of course the zoo had a photographer at the entrance. And sure enough he made a simple picture into the memento of excruciating happiness that now graces the top of our bookcase and this webpage. That's the way to remember this English Camp. Through a nice bit of Thai camp.

In three...two...one...

We have a new job. Apart from teaching our thirty students in the English Program every day and teaching kids in the Thai Program one hour a week, we now have to educate all the students who don't have an English speaking teacher regularly. That is the majority of kids in the school. Even the parents of the Thai Program kids have to pay a couple of hundred hard earned Baht for it.

The school has a pretty good way of trying to bridge the gap: every Tuesday and Thursday they have a farang teacher come to a small but well run TV-studio and teach a small lesson. Not only does it get more kids in contact with English, kids also do all the behind the scenes stuff. They're behind the camera, mix the audio and do small items on things they've learned and even do a newscast.

For us teachers it's a whole new ballgame. You have to cram a lesson in 3-5 minutes, appeal to grade one through five and everything you do is on LIVE TV. No second takes. The whole school and especially the kids in your own room will be watching. Not exactly like presenting the American Idol final or anything, but still... Great fun.

Anyway: here's a picture I took while teaching everybody about 'I like to+verb'. In this case 'I like to take pictures'. If you look closely you can see me on the monitor. I'm the yellow blurry thing with the silvery blurry thing (my camera).

I got the news

Tuurlijk. Thailand had de coup. En er is altijd wel een verhaal in de pers over iemand die op een of andere uiterst gruwelijke en geweldadige wijze de moord steekt. Op de voorpagina van de papieren versie van de Daily News staat iedere dag wel iemand zonder hoofd, iemand met hoofd maar dan aan een touwtje dat aan het plafond vastzit of een of andere auto die is omgetoverd tot een blikje sardientjes (in flink wat tomatensaus meestal).

Nee dan het Nederlandse nieuws. Hoe meer ik er zie hoe minder ik het begrijp. De komkommertijd zou zo'n beetje afgelopen moeten zijn toch? Zomaar een greep uit de binnenlandse headlines van deze week:

'Mysterieuze autokraken toch niet zo mysterieus'
'Potloodventer moet T-shirt dragen'
'Anoniem solliciteren niet nodig'
'Seksbazen niet bonafide'
'Werken op hoogte wordt veiliger'
'Bos en Balkenende botsen in eerste tv-debat'
'Springen waterleiding leidt tot overlast'
'Elke gemeente werkt op 27 manieren samen'
'Justitie controleert gevangenen'
'Hans Klok heeft spijt van vrouwonvriendelijkheid'
'Vredenburg opgeschrikt door vondst verdacht koffertje'

Ik weet het niet zeker, maar volgens mij gaat alles dus prima daaro :) Sjeez.
Dan nog even de eerste in een serie boekentips: Himalaya. Niet zeiken, gewoon lezen.

UPDATE: Je kan AL palins boeken blijkbaar ook gewoon extra gratis online lezen... Nie mis van deze man.