English Camp?

Just came back from doing an English Camp. You know, one of those camps that should give students an fun English environment to practice their skills. That's the theory. In practice it means you cram two VIP-busses full of students, watch cartoons in Thai for some reason and sing Thai karaoke along the way, drive to a nice location near a huge National Park and then don't go anywhere near that National Park. Instead you stay in a nice holiday resort with trimmed hedges and activities center around a place called 'The Cowboy Room'.

This is also where you meet The Dream Team: a group of farang teachers with special expertise in setting up these kinds of camps. Again, this is theory. In practice it sometimes turns out that you're suddenly dealing with Joe, Schmo and D'oh. In this case fresh of the bananaboat and without a clue about doing this sort of thing. Al they have is a prayer (If I open my eyes this will all have been a dream) and a song (If You're Happy and You Know it) and a frightful please-somebody-help-me-face.

To make things even more interesting Joe, Schmo and D'oh are supervised by two guys that do most of the talking. One is from Iran and the other says he's English but he's not. Which is why he makes all those typical Asian mistakes when he speaks and why everybody is told to "clap your han tree time" every five minutes. Bad? Yes. But to avoid any loss of face nobody says a thing. Everybody just chalks it up to a good learning experience, laughs amongst themselves and agrees that these guys will never work in this town again.

Day two: to the zoo. This sounds good. We get to see some animals and talk about them with the students. Theory. Practice: we get the Thai style zoo experience. That means you race around the whole zoo in carts (and in15 minutes tops), while you're hanging on for dear life. The English, then, is limited to 'Look over there a...wait...too late', 'What was that?' and 'I don't know'. Then it becomes clear what the hurry was all about: a terrifically unbuddhist snake show and an eighties style seal show with beach balls, hoops, applauding seals and everything.

Bad? Probably. But you just can't beat applauding and high five-ing seals. Besides, our job was extremely easy this time round. And the whole thing was so out of this world that we couldn't stop laughing. Too bad I forgot my camera. Then again: of course the zoo had a photographer at the entrance. And sure enough he made a simple picture into the memento of excruciating happiness that now graces the top of our bookcase and this webpage. That's the way to remember this English Camp. Through a nice bit of Thai camp.